Introducing a New Column: More Than Motherhood with Marybeth Whalen

I’d like to introduce a new member to the Peekaboo Picks team!  Read Marybeth’s insightful monthly column, More Than Motherhood, every 3rd Tuesday here on Peekaboo Picks. -Megan, Editor

Can a woman pursue her dreams and still be a “good mother”? This question has existed in some form for as long as there have been mothers. The answer seems to vary according to who you ask. Some moms, in favor of staying home to raise their children at all costs, will tell you that a mom must shelve her dreams in order to be a good mother. And some moms, in favor of developing a career in addition to the responsibilities of motherhood, will tell you that even asking that question is absurd. And yet, we all feel that question nagging at us—whether we work outside the home or in. Somewhere inside every woman is a dream, a passion, a desire that our hearts long to chase after. And so we arrive back at the question we started with: Is it okay to want more than motherhood? Would a “good mother” even ask that question?

As little girls we may have believed that motherhood would fulfill us, complete us and make us significant. And yet, somehow motherhood just… doesn’t. Oh, it’s rewarding and challenging and lots of other things. But it doesn’t define us. Or, at least, it shouldn’t. It is concerning, I think, when a mom makes her children her all in all. When a woman takes everything she has to give and pours it into her children. Not that they aren’t worthy receptacles. It’s just dangerous. Those sweet little children have the nerve to grow up, become teenagers, then young adults who just… leave. And we are left holding all that love, all that energy, all that purpose in our empty hands, feeling lost.

I think it happens innocently enough. It did for me. At first it was because I sincerely wanted to do the best possible job raising them. I wanted them to know I valued them and was willing to sacrifice everything for them. But something died inside me a bit more with every passing year. Instead of stepping up, I was hiding out. I was afraid to take risks. I lost confidence in who I was, and what I used to believe I could do. Being more than a mom became something that terrified me instead of excited me. Why, I thought to myself, would anyone care what I think? What did I have to offer? And then I uttered the most dangerous words a woman can utter. I shrugged my shoulders and with sad resignation said, “I’m just a mom.”

For several years, I have been on a journey out of that mindset. Along the way I have learned some valuable lessons about priorities and balance and perspective. In this column each month we will examine why we are not “just moms.” We will learn what we have to offer and how we are women of influence. We will focus on our value and our potential. We will ask scary questions and take a look at how our thought life can limit us much more than other people can. Most of all we will discover how we can indeed have “More Than Motherhood” in a way that adds to, instead of subtracts from, this humbling, beautiful, exciting role we get to embrace every day.

Marybeth Whalen has been married to Curt for 17 years.  They are the parents of six children, ranging in age from teen to toddler.  In addition to being a busy wife, mom and homeschooler to three of her six children, Marybeth writes and speaks to women’s groups in her “spare” time. Marybeth’s new book, From Financially Frantic To Financially Free, will be released in early 09.  The Whalen family lives in North Carolina.  You can visit her blog at www.marybethwhalen.com.